Hello my note, it's almost two months since my last post. I'm sorry I haven't "talk" to you, I'm not forgetting you. There're many things happened since last month so I can't post new story, although bunch of ideas popping inside my brain. It's looks like there's one thing that, probably, affect my passion to write beside my mood. It is about my mind itself.
Mind is a powerful thing. Most of our action is controlled by our mind, either conscious or unconscious mind (please correct me if it's wrong). I'll not tell about mind in detail because it's not my major education but I just want to share my experience with my "mind", of course it's related about my motivation to write.
I've motivate myself to start writing since I created this blog. Sharing is the reason of my passion to write. I was a person who always keep my problem, I never told it to anybody. Until I start to put all of my feeling in my phone, keep it as a note. At first, it's seems funny. Write a diary, in my opinion, is activity for a girl. However, something comes up in my mind. Alright I'll stop the intermezzo here, we'll back to the topic "mind".
I thought, something that appears before, is the visualization of what I kept. How come? I was used to be a reserved. Sharing is the last option for me at the time. But now, I realized one thing. My mind told me that it is not good for you to hide anything by yourself. It'll harm you sooner or later. Thus, the activity which I do now is the results of my unconscious mind as my self-defense mechanism to reduce the pain that I will suffer (wahaha, overly exaggerated expression).
Mind is complex. Even a mastermind, I guess, works harder to master it. To all of my friend, watch out with your mind. Control your mind, do not let it controls you.
(By the way, my mind still control me to stop write more as if it can worsen my writing.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Greed, Dream, and to be Well-Prepared
Hello my note, it's my first post in June, welcome June, wish the best for all of us in this new month. Well, first of all, I'd like to say my apologize to the reader because in this post, I'll give something unusual (in my opinion though, well it's up to the readers, after all we have different opinion) related to my experience. Probably incorrect, it's related to the result of my activity of "thinking overly".
I've thought that most people, aim to be better, in all aspects. In other words, to be better, at this point, one will struggle at their fullest, strive to be the best until he/she reaches the top. However, there's some negative opinion from several people, including me.
It's a human-being to have a dream, thirst for a dream, achieve your dream, because it must be a corpse if one does not have have this trait. This also happened in my surrounding, and even in all places in the world. But one thing that I dislike the most is how they permit to do all things, even the worst things, to make their dream come true. Dishonesty, corruption, betrayal are the colors of their drawing book of life. Forgetting their pure dream, turn it into a dusty dream, and it's meaningless.
Further, the higher the achievement, the higher also their care toward their precious people. I'm not saying that all people tend to do this but at least, a minority of people commit such a pathetic act. Think about, for example, your parents that sacrifice themselves to raise you, and when you success, you forget them, not care about their daily needs, and even ignore them. Actually, I'm not a perfect child also, but I wrote this for my reflection so that it'll not happen to me, I'll do it. I knew that most of parents only wish the best for their children, but please, "pay your debt" to them, even a little is no problem, it's more than enough.
These examples are the sign that one is not ready to be a winner. There's one thing that they miss in their struggle to be the best. It's a matter of preparation. I thought they will not do that if they prepare anything such as a positive will, nice attitude, and keep praying. In my opinion, one of the criteria to be a victor is to be well-prepared to face anything in the future.
I've thought that most people, aim to be better, in all aspects. In other words, to be better, at this point, one will struggle at their fullest, strive to be the best until he/she reaches the top. However, there's some negative opinion from several people, including me.
It's a human-being to have a dream, thirst for a dream, achieve your dream, because it must be a corpse if one does not have have this trait. This also happened in my surrounding, and even in all places in the world. But one thing that I dislike the most is how they permit to do all things, even the worst things, to make their dream come true. Dishonesty, corruption, betrayal are the colors of their drawing book of life. Forgetting their pure dream, turn it into a dusty dream, and it's meaningless.
Further, the higher the achievement, the higher also their care toward their precious people. I'm not saying that all people tend to do this but at least, a minority of people commit such a pathetic act. Think about, for example, your parents that sacrifice themselves to raise you, and when you success, you forget them, not care about their daily needs, and even ignore them. Actually, I'm not a perfect child also, but I wrote this for my reflection so that it'll not happen to me, I'll do it. I knew that most of parents only wish the best for their children, but please, "pay your debt" to them, even a little is no problem, it's more than enough.
These examples are the sign that one is not ready to be a winner. There's one thing that they miss in their struggle to be the best. It's a matter of preparation. I thought they will not do that if they prepare anything such as a positive will, nice attitude, and keep praying. In my opinion, one of the criteria to be a victor is to be well-prepared to face anything in the future.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Weirdo, Birthday, and Prayers
No matter how weird you are, still, you have some, even a little, people that will pray for your success in your birthday. Be grateful, because you will miss a moment when someone you care the most is unable to wish you happy birthday. However, don't let the sadness swallow you. The shadow isn't always related to darkness, you'll still see the light in the shadow and it will be a shelter to you. Thanks to all people who pray for my success either directly to me, or even pray in silence, you are all treasure to me, an irreplaceable treasure, for sure.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Being a Weirdo is a Talent, it is not an Option
Hello again my note, I'm sorry I didn't tell my story to you during these weeks recently. I'd like to write something but my will isn't strong enough to beat the villain (oh well, I'm not a hero anyway). Hey, isn't that last phrase is sounds weird, I mean talking or responding to my own words? Well, what's the point of doing that? Are you really ok to do that? Why you do such a weird thing?
Alright, my friends, mostly, asking me these questions often. I was only laughing at the time and I said that perhaps I'm the one who is very normal among all of my classmate, however, one of them said that "yeah you're extremely normal in the way you've tried to become a completely-normal" person.
Actually, I have no problem to be asked by such question because I was used to be asked by the same question in my past. I thought that was all of experience (hey, isn't it too short??), and the teaching point in this note is the one that you can read in the title of this post, thanks for being a reader to my absurd story, have a nice day ^^
Alright, my friends, mostly, asking me these questions often. I was only laughing at the time and I said that perhaps I'm the one who is very normal among all of my classmate, however, one of them said that "yeah you're extremely normal in the way you've tried to become a completely-normal" person.
Actually, I have no problem to be asked by such question because I was used to be asked by the same question in my past. I thought that was all of experience (hey, isn't it too short??), and the teaching point in this note is the one that you can read in the title of this post, thanks for being a reader to my absurd story, have a nice day ^^
Monday, May 11, 2015
The More The Quieter
Most of event, for example party, sleepover, camping, etc, will be more enjoyable if there are more people gathered in one place. It is obvious that certain agenda, with just only a few people, is not quite exciting. They want to have fun with each other, laughing, enjoy the food, talking, and much more activity that can be done with many people. They said that "the more, the merrier". However, this phrases is not really match with me.
I'm not interested to follow an activity with more people. It is not about dislike the people, the agenda, and the place. It is because I find myself fun to have an activity in pairs. Beside my introvert character, here are my "stRangers" reasons of why I prefer pair activity to group activity.
1. Change myself into a statue
People knew that most (not all) introvert will be a statue in a group activity. That is also happened to me, I will act passively as an observer. However, as I previously stated, I'm not hate the people, I just want to observe everything they did as my references of how to act in many people.
2. Fair?
When I have a chat with more than one person, sometimes I felt that the chat is not fair. I mean, when I talked with one person, I felt kind of guilty to let one person just observe our chatting and I'm just worried that this person will be ignored. Or, is this happened because I'm worried too much?
3. Closer
Do not confused if my friends will see my other self if they are talk with me in pairs. I will act as the listener, often asks them personally, sharing thoughts, and everything that they can't see it if we have a chat in group. I want to build a closer relation by talking like this, it is more enjoyable and I can get many positive things from my speaking partner. I'll turn myself into a childish person, and of course as a "watcher", if I have a chat in group.
For the prior reasons, the thing that I got is one should act appropriately in an appropriate time, place, and in front of appropriate person. Good luck for myself and for the great readers to spare their time to read my note.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Do This to Make You Better
Welcome May, hoho, it'll be better if I open my previous post with these phrases. Anyway, it's quite exciting that I still blogging within these two months. I'm so glad because I'm not running out of ideas, because it's such a challenge to change my bad habit, like my late post here. Well, this post is only my gratitude to The Almighty about my achievement. Though it's only set of phrases, gratitude can't make you weaker or even worse. On the contrary, it'll make you even better than before. So, let's start to express your gratitude, even for the smallest thing you've got.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Delaying
"Hi B, when will you do your homework?"
"Well, the task isn't that difficult, I'll finished it later".
Delaying, this word represent the conversation. Everyone already done "to-delay" act whenever they have no mood to do something. I knew that unstable mood is human being but don't make this as a reason to be a lazy person. Delaying, to me, is quite a problem for several following reasons.
The first thing to be considered that once you've delay your work, it'll make your work "static". Static here means that there will be no end to your work. Your work will be unfinished and you can't start another new job.
Nextly, one will have no chance to enjoy the taste of success. Delaying a job over and over will disturb the productivity of a person. Unable to produce something is the same as unable to show your efforts. One's effort determine their success. Thus, success will only left as an empty dream to all "delayer".
In conclusion, delaying can be considered as a "success-robber" if this becomes habit. It's obvious that a person may delay something and even canceling it due to certain reason but don't do that continuously because something over is overly not good.
Finally, I can say that dealing with delaying is an obligation for those success seekers. I wish that I'll not be the delayer because I thirst for success.
"Well, the task isn't that difficult, I'll finished it later".
Delaying, this word represent the conversation. Everyone already done "to-delay" act whenever they have no mood to do something. I knew that unstable mood is human being but don't make this as a reason to be a lazy person. Delaying, to me, is quite a problem for several following reasons.
The first thing to be considered that once you've delay your work, it'll make your work "static". Static here means that there will be no end to your work. Your work will be unfinished and you can't start another new job.
Nextly, one will have no chance to enjoy the taste of success. Delaying a job over and over will disturb the productivity of a person. Unable to produce something is the same as unable to show your efforts. One's effort determine their success. Thus, success will only left as an empty dream to all "delayer".
In conclusion, delaying can be considered as a "success-robber" if this becomes habit. It's obvious that a person may delay something and even canceling it due to certain reason but don't do that continuously because something over is overly not good.
Finally, I can say that dealing with delaying is an obligation for those success seekers. I wish that I'll not be the delayer because I thirst for success.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Standing in The Middle of Nowhere
I'm standing in the middle of nowhere
A place you won't see everywhere
Standing in a state of decision
It is the same as incision
A state of choosing is the same as pain
Also having no choice creates a rain of pain
That is a place I'm standing, a city of nowhere
Whereas you won't see anything, anywhere
This is for you, people whom I eagerly fight for...
A place you won't see everywhere
Standing in a state of decision
It is the same as incision
A state of choosing is the same as pain
Also having no choice creates a rain of pain
That is a place I'm standing, a city of nowhere
Whereas you won't see anything, anywhere
This is for you, people whom I eagerly fight for...
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
20s and Toy
Everyone has different traits, appearance, status, and yeah whatever. It it's not different, you can imagine how the world will be if all people are similar to each other. I will going wild if this happen though.
Well, talking about being different, probably I have my own "trademark". I like to collect toys (or just collecting its video review, because the price is damn too high for me), especially robot (but not all kinds of toy I like, it's not funny if I collect girly doll). I like to gather this sophisticated stuff because of its design. Yeah, I was so amazed with how a car transform into a robot, how to combine more than one different parts into one cool robot, the color, and at last, how the designer make the concept of the robot itself. In my past, I wish that I can be a toy designer, but it's just a dream. My study is not suitable to that matter. Well, forget about that.
At my campus, I used to watch some video reviews about the toy. Almost all of my friends feel awkward to see the 22 years man watching toy video, attracted by the stuff that they know it only suit to the boy and every reason that, okay, sounds old-school. I have my own reason why I still fall in love with this boyish stuff.
1. Motivation
For some collector, their collection can motivate them to work harder, to get some money to complete their collection, that's also works to me. I do it at full throttle today and will enjoy my works by looking at my table with full of my dream robot that I really want it since my childhood.
2. Hobbies
Having a collection, for some people, can be regarded as hobby. By having a hobby, in my case, one can spend their free time to have fun playing or just seeing the toys.
3. Learn to save your money
If someone has a purpose to have something they really want it, they will save their money to get it. I have no problem to save my money to get my favorable toys. I don't mind if I can't have my meal at my campus only to spend my bucks to get what I really want.
Well, talking about being different, probably I have my own "trademark". I like to collect toys (or just collecting its video review, because the price is damn too high for me), especially robot (but not all kinds of toy I like, it's not funny if I collect girly doll). I like to gather this sophisticated stuff because of its design. Yeah, I was so amazed with how a car transform into a robot, how to combine more than one different parts into one cool robot, the color, and at last, how the designer make the concept of the robot itself. In my past, I wish that I can be a toy designer, but it's just a dream. My study is not suitable to that matter. Well, forget about that.
At my campus, I used to watch some video reviews about the toy. Almost all of my friends feel awkward to see the 22 years man watching toy video, attracted by the stuff that they know it only suit to the boy and every reason that, okay, sounds old-school. I have my own reason why I still fall in love with this boyish stuff.
1. Motivation
For some collector, their collection can motivate them to work harder, to get some money to complete their collection, that's also works to me. I do it at full throttle today and will enjoy my works by looking at my table with full of my dream robot that I really want it since my childhood.
2. Hobbies
Having a collection, for some people, can be regarded as hobby. By having a hobby, in my case, one can spend their free time to have fun playing or just seeing the toys.
3. Learn to save your money
If someone has a purpose to have something they really want it, they will save their money to get it. I have no problem to save my money to get my favorable toys. I don't mind if I can't have my meal at my campus only to spend my bucks to get what I really want.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Stick to the Schedule
Hi there, howdy?
I'm back, and it's been awhile my... (ok, just stop this greeting because you already said this once)
Alright, I'm sorry, I'll not do this again, we'll see about that.
Well, I forgot that my little note had been accompanied me a month eight days, haha, that's the detail. I'll try my best to keep in touch with my notes, unleashed everything I've been gathered whole time, and share with you, my precious watcher.
Actually, there were many things to share in my blog in last two weeks ago but because of something unwanted (I'll post it ASAP), I postponed it until..., yeah until I have my mood to write again. Don't worry, I'll keep my mood gauge so it won't be replenished completely. To do so, I've been looking for a way to solve this tiny-weenie-problem, and eureka! I called my invention (hello?? this is not yours) as "schedule".
I've realized that I have no exact time to write or put my ideas in this blog. Whenever many ideas popped out of my mind, I took my phone, composed the draft, and the result is the thing that you can read now. However, this seems to be quite reckless. How if I post too much in one occasion? How if I have no ideas to write? Of course this affect my note.
Actually, there were many things to share in my blog in last two weeks ago but because of something unwanted (I'll post it ASAP), I postponed it until..., yeah until I have my mood to write again. Don't worry, I'll keep my mood gauge so it won't be replenished completely. To do so, I've been looking for a way to solve this tiny-weenie-problem, and eureka! I called my invention (hello?? this is not yours) as "schedule".
I've realized that I have no exact time to write or put my ideas in this blog. Whenever many ideas popped out of my mind, I took my phone, composed the draft, and the result is the thing that you can read now. However, this seems to be quite reckless. How if I post too much in one occasion? How if I have no ideas to write? Of course this affect my note.
(This thing is extremely helpful, believe me)
Thus, I will try to post something once in a week minimally if I'm not busy. I'll keep myself to stick to the schedule. Perhaps, I'll use a super glue to do that.
Now, I realized the power of schedule, one word with billion benefits. Never underestimate a little thing because maybe you just see it from a far distant, you will know how huge it is if it's near you.
Thanks for being with me and my concealed note, see you on the next story. ^^
Friday, March 20, 2015
One behind the scene
One behind the scene
the others facing the silver screen
admire and comment
critique and judgment
unbeknown to the One behind the screen
despite that things may be different
with the performance they've seen
that the script might has a better ending
covered in a bitter acting
the others facing the silver screen
admire and comment
critique and judgment
unbeknown to the One behind the screen
despite that things may be different
with the performance they've seen
that the script might has a better ending
covered in a bitter acting
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Parody: "Talking to The Book"
Talking to the book
Trying to get to you
In hope my research proposal
Will be approved by you
Oh I'm so nervous who speak alone, talking to the book
This is just a parody, all credits belong to the author and its "stakeholder".
Trying to get to you
In hope my research proposal
Will be approved by you
Oh I'm so nervous who speak alone, talking to the book
This is just a parody, all credits belong to the author and its "stakeholder".
Blended Feeling, Presentation Waiting.
Hello my blog, it's been a week since I posted my last entry. I don't have any intention to abandon you, my dear blog (okay, now you are really stRanger). I just need to spare my time, to........
"take a rest".
Recently, I've been busy to prepare one of the keys to unlock my future (seriously, are you playing a game?). Now I'm already a college students of 8th semester, thus it means that thesis is my daily "meal". I have no problem in writing my paper (pretending detected) because I'm free to express all of my ideas that I got from several references, because I like writing. So what's the big deal?Alright, I know this is kind of over-exaggerating but you know, tomorrow, is my E-day, day of Examination.
So, what's wrong with examination? You only have to present your paper, in front of the examiners, with intimidating aura, thundering voice, and.... alright, this just make it worst.
The thing that makes me nervous is I must deliver my work by speaking (of course, there's no presentation without speaking bro). Expressing my idea orally is something challenging because I used to "stop" my mind for awhile to express my thought. I'm not a type of person who can deliver my ideas in "all-of-sudden" style. However, I will face and pass the examination, whether I'm ready or not. Thus, I consider this moment as a one step to improve myself.
"take a rest".
Recently, I've been busy to prepare one of the keys to unlock my future (seriously, are you playing a game?). Now I'm already a college students of 8th semester, thus it means that thesis is my daily "meal". I have no problem in writing my paper (pretending detected) because I'm free to express all of my ideas that I got from several references, because I like writing. So what's the big deal?Alright, I know this is kind of over-exaggerating but you know, tomorrow, is my E-day, day of Examination.
So, what's wrong with examination? You only have to present your paper, in front of the examiners, with intimidating aura, thundering voice, and.... alright, this just make it worst.
The thing that makes me nervous is I must deliver my work by speaking (of course, there's no presentation without speaking bro). Expressing my idea orally is something challenging because I used to "stop" my mind for awhile to express my thought. I'm not a type of person who can deliver my ideas in "all-of-sudden" style. However, I will face and pass the examination, whether I'm ready or not. Thus, I consider this moment as a one step to improve myself.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Ideas, Gotta Control'em All
Idea, is an abstract word for me that I considered it as an easy thing to got. Idea is extremely useful in our life. By having an idea, you can create as many as possible beneficial creativity to anyone, including you. People thought that someone who has a bunch of idea (of course the good one, there's a month to go before April mob) is considered as a smart person. However, it seems to be different in my case.
My friend told me that I'm full of idea. Almost every time I found something, whether it is about academic or daily life, I'm itching to make a research regarding the findings I got. For instance, I could get more than ten topics of research during one classes at my campus. Some of my friends were asked for topics from me because of this trait. Of course I do really grateful (Alhamdulillah) to The Almighty because of this blessing, however, I feel difficult to control one of my "stranger" skill.
Once I discovered something appealing to me, my brain can't stop producing ideas like an eternal stream of river. This is quite bothering me, especially in writing. I can spent more than an hour to write a page of paper. No kidding, it's only a page (this was happened when I worked my research paper). when I finished a paragraph, suddenly, there's some passages that I want to be replaced with the new one, fresh from the oven. That is why I finished my paper in more than one months (which it can be finished in two weeks normally).
I was struggle to find out one or two solutions to overcome such a problem until now. I hope that I'll find it soon. If you have your opinion regarding my problem, or just want to share a similar problem, feel free to give your comment. Thank you for visiting my blog, and you can share your blog if you have so we can have a blogwalking each other. Enjoy your time, and have a nice day
I was struggle to find out one or two solutions to overcome such a problem until now. I hope that I'll find it soon. If you have your opinion regarding my problem, or just want to share a similar problem, feel free to give your comment. Thank you for visiting my blog, and you can share your blog if you have so we can have a blogwalking each other. Enjoy your time, and have a nice day
Monday, March 2, 2015
Heartmates
A weak, little heart
Are you feel so lonely, heart?
Are you feel so blue because you've been so lonely all time?
What makes you alone?
In fact, you're not alone
Friends are standing beside you, heart
Are you feel so lonely, heart?
Are you feel so blue because you've been so lonely all time?
What makes you alone?
In fact, you're not alone
Friends are standing beside you, heart
There're arms
Who will always hold you in your sad
There're feet
That will take you to a wonderful trip you've never experienced before
Ears will always listen to your story
No matter it is a good story or not
Don't forget that lips are stand by you every time
To share all the burden you have to everyone
Who will always hold you in your sad
There're feet
That will take you to a wonderful trip you've never experienced before
Ears will always listen to your story
No matter it is a good story or not
Don't forget that lips are stand by you every time
To share all the burden you have to everyone
A weak, little heart
These friends of you will always lend you a hand
To live your life to the fullest
To get your dreams
To enjoy the world
And more importantly
To express your gratitude
To your Creator, The Almighty
That blessed you heartmates to accompany you in your life...
These friends of you will always lend you a hand
To live your life to the fullest
To get your dreams
To enjoy the world
And more importantly
To express your gratitude
To your Creator, The Almighty
That blessed you heartmates to accompany you in your life...
March, 2nd 2015
MT Akbar
MT Akbar
Introducing MTArt
It's been awhile since I wrote (are you sure?) my last note. Perhaps this because I wrote something wrong in my blog a couple of day ago? Well, whatever, it's not bothering me anyway.
Alright then, since I only post my personal thought everyday (ok, I'm kidding, err, is it too much?) now it's the time to create something new for me, write a poem. I called it as new activity because it's rare for me to do so. Poetic language is quite difficult for me to be composed into a magnificent work. I have a bad experience with poem (I got low marks on my exam about poetry in my senior high school) but not so pathetic you know.I will called the post as MTArt, it's a pun of my initial name plus word art, considering that poem is an art. Furthermore, all post related to art will be labeled as MTArt also.
Well, stay tuned in my blog and see the concealed things that will be revealed further. Enjoy reading and have a good day.
Alright then, since I only post my personal thought everyday (ok, I'm kidding, err, is it too much?) now it's the time to create something new for me, write a poem. I called it as new activity because it's rare for me to do so. Poetic language is quite difficult for me to be composed into a magnificent work. I have a bad experience with poem (I got low marks on my exam about poetry in my senior high school) but not so pathetic you know.I will called the post as MTArt, it's a pun of my initial name plus word art, considering that poem is an art. Furthermore, all post related to art will be labeled as MTArt also.
Well, stay tuned in my blog and see the concealed things that will be revealed further. Enjoy reading and have a good day.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Thrust or Trust?
Trust, a word that is quite appealing to my mind yet so complex. It is such a complicated thing for me to think because I have a problem about to trust and to be trusted.
The first point is a difficulty to gain trust whenever I asked or forced to believe people. I'm a sceptical person if it comes to a matter of believe. It is not easy for me to believe someone, even I have my doubts to my family (Astaghfirulllah). Probably this because I was a type of person who can easily believe people. I was thought positive to all people in the past. However, things were changed because there were some accident I suffered (I will write this later since it can make this story longer). And now, I have a problem with my "best" friend because of the trust.
Secondly, I have a trouble with the "to-be-trusted" typed person. Recently, some people have a little doubt on me. This also broke my friendship. Probably because of my high prestige that changed people's perspective about me, because I was acted different out there. I don't want that all people can make fun of me if I show my soft spot. However, the rule said that we must act kindly to everyone, in everywhere, anytime; but it's quite a challenge for me to realize it. Can I make it in time before it's too late to change, to apologize to my best friend?
Believe me, trust may thrust you in the future. Don't ever played fool with the word because it will be a game over for you if you did. Regrets always come late.
The first point is a difficulty to gain trust whenever I asked or forced to believe people. I'm a sceptical person if it comes to a matter of believe. It is not easy for me to believe someone, even I have my doubts to my family (Astaghfirulllah). Probably this because I was a type of person who can easily believe people. I was thought positive to all people in the past. However, things were changed because there were some accident I suffered (I will write this later since it can make this story longer). And now, I have a problem with my "best" friend because of the trust.
Secondly, I have a trouble with the "to-be-trusted" typed person. Recently, some people have a little doubt on me. This also broke my friendship. Probably because of my high prestige that changed people's perspective about me, because I was acted different out there. I don't want that all people can make fun of me if I show my soft spot. However, the rule said that we must act kindly to everyone, in everywhere, anytime; but it's quite a challenge for me to realize it. Can I make it in time before it's too late to change, to apologize to my best friend?
Believe me, trust may thrust you in the future. Don't ever played fool with the word because it will be a game over for you if you did. Regrets always come late.
Friday, February 27, 2015
A Mine of Inspiration
Honestly, I'm not used to write something personal, particularly diary. However, to me, there's no other method to reveal all things I concealed except to put it all in this note.
All of sudden, I just thinking what will happen if I have no idea to write. Basically, I got the inspiration to write based on the concealed things I experienced but I'm an introvert also. Thus, it is rare for me to have some outdoor activities. IIn addition, I'm not a talking-too-much person, even on my home, it's difficult for me to initiate conversation. Therefore, my inspiration came from the outside, despite that I'm not used to walk outside. If there's a suggestion, feel free to give your comment, I do really appreciate it.
All of sudden, I just thinking what will happen if I have no idea to write. Basically, I got the inspiration to write based on the concealed things I experienced but I'm an introvert also. Thus, it is rare for me to have some outdoor activities. IIn addition, I'm not a talking-too-much person, even on my home, it's difficult for me to initiate conversation. Therefore, my inspiration came from the outside, despite that I'm not used to walk outside. If there's a suggestion, feel free to give your comment, I do really appreciate it.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Learning to "Love" Myself
This happened yesterday though, but I "forgot" to write it because it was a tiring day at the time. Yesterday was the time to prepare all applications I need to follow proposal examination. I sat with some of my classmates and one junior. We were talking about recent competition in our department to kill the time. Until one question changed my mood, "are you guys came to cocktail party a week ago?" asked the junior. One of my classmates replied that she weren't come because of sickness and the others were attending the party. When it turns out to me, I replied "I wasn't came, I don't have any interest to crowded event". The junior, as fast as thunderstruck, said that "what a weird person, you must be an introvert".
Like being attacked by the angry birds?? Hehehe. I was extremely, absolutely, exactly surprised to hear such statement like that. It's been a long time since I heard the similar words like this. It was my friend (don't mention the name) that judge me as an introvert, and unluckily, the person said that in the middle of the class so everyone now know me as an introvert, a title that I don't want to admit that I'm an introvert at that time.
Because of this moment, I lost my faith to the person (not being lost completely) in an instant. I am a person who can be easily disbelieve people if they do something "harmful" to me. Perhaps, this is the reason why I still tend to be alone everyday.
Time to time, I was finally able to forget the moment, being my "ordinary" half-cold person. Though I still retained my soft spot, that I quite sensitive to other people, but I can't show it directly, just concealed it. This last for a long time until I found an online group in a social media that changed my old perception.
When I read several posts in that group, I was realized that there are many people outside who shares similarities like me. Soon, I joined the group, sharing with some members about my story, ask for their advice, and so on. However, this wasn't lasting long.
My "cool" demeanor think out of the box again, it is not an option to "share" your personal feeling with someone, both you know or not. It is because I like to do everything by myself, I don't want to brag people, they have much important thing to do than hear a "weirdo" speech. I guess this is one of my lacks, I totally thought bad of me, I don't love myself (Astaghfirulllah). I know that The Almighty blessed us with different specialty. Underestimating a person is the same as "mocking" The Almighty, it is a sin, you got a hell's ticket. I don't need that ticket, despite this, I wasn't able to remove such trait.
I want to know how to appreciate myself
I'm so grateful to have some specialties covered with thousands of weaknesses, all praise and perfection belongs only to Allah SWT
I should look closer, see the implied message in a white shining paper
I should train my eyes, to be easily adapted to face the light
And when the time has come
I want to love myself like my love to Allah SWT and my Prophet, Muhammad SAW.
Like being attacked by the angry birds?? Hehehe. I was extremely, absolutely, exactly surprised to hear such statement like that. It's been a long time since I heard the similar words like this. It was my friend (don't mention the name) that judge me as an introvert, and unluckily, the person said that in the middle of the class so everyone now know me as an introvert, a title that I don't want to admit that I'm an introvert at that time.
Because of this moment, I lost my faith to the person (not being lost completely) in an instant. I am a person who can be easily disbelieve people if they do something "harmful" to me. Perhaps, this is the reason why I still tend to be alone everyday.
Time to time, I was finally able to forget the moment, being my "ordinary" half-cold person. Though I still retained my soft spot, that I quite sensitive to other people, but I can't show it directly, just concealed it. This last for a long time until I found an online group in a social media that changed my old perception.
When I read several posts in that group, I was realized that there are many people outside who shares similarities like me. Soon, I joined the group, sharing with some members about my story, ask for their advice, and so on. However, this wasn't lasting long.
My "cool" demeanor think out of the box again, it is not an option to "share" your personal feeling with someone, both you know or not. It is because I like to do everything by myself, I don't want to brag people, they have much important thing to do than hear a "weirdo" speech. I guess this is one of my lacks, I totally thought bad of me, I don't love myself (Astaghfirulllah). I know that The Almighty blessed us with different specialty. Underestimating a person is the same as "mocking" The Almighty, it is a sin, you got a hell's ticket. I don't need that ticket, despite this, I wasn't able to remove such trait.
I want to know how to appreciate myself
I'm so grateful to have some specialties covered with thousands of weaknesses, all praise and perfection belongs only to Allah SWT
I should look closer, see the implied message in a white shining paper
I should train my eyes, to be easily adapted to face the light
And when the time has come
I want to love myself like my love to Allah SWT and my Prophet, Muhammad SAW.
Monday, February 23, 2015
A Weird of Me
Usually, when people meet their friend or even best friend, expressing happiness will be natural for them to show it to each other. However, this seems to be different when I meets someone who I considered as my "comrade". Whenever I met the person, while there are some friends around, I set a poker face unconsciously. I was pretending to be "common" me, ignoring the person. To be honest, deep inside my heart (bwooo), I was extremely happy and so grateful (Alhamdulillah) to see him in a good shape. It's been a long time since we spent time together, I want to do that again. However, I felt that this friendship isn't going well. I wish that there will be a time for us to meet personally, to give me a moment to say sorry, and having fun again. Even this bond isn't as tight as before, I was grateful to have a friend like you.
Awkward or Strange?
I wrote the "Today's Awkward" section just to entertain myself with my "boring" comedy. It is not the April Fool's day or whatsoever but it just happened naturally and of course, awkwardly.
Today was my first day to fulfill all applications for my future examination. It was quite tiring so I sat with some friends (including my comrade, perhaps this triggered my awkward) next to the room of head of department. We were talked about the necessity to take TOEFL exam as the requirements to graduate from our study. One of my friend was quite nervous to follow the exam because he has low confidence about his skill. All of sudden, I talked quite loudly said that perhaps cheating is one of the option to pass the exam. I explained all tricks I've done during my senior high in my exam. I talked carelessly. I forgot that this is not a good place to share my devilish tips. Fortunately, the head of department did not hear our conversation (hopefully) and if it is not, wish that they forgot who was talking about the devil's sharing today.
Today was my first day to fulfill all applications for my future examination. It was quite tiring so I sat with some friends (including my comrade, perhaps this triggered my awkward) next to the room of head of department. We were talked about the necessity to take TOEFL exam as the requirements to graduate from our study. One of my friend was quite nervous to follow the exam because he has low confidence about his skill. All of sudden, I talked quite loudly said that perhaps cheating is one of the option to pass the exam. I explained all tricks I've done during my senior high in my exam. I talked carelessly. I forgot that this is not a good place to share my devilish tips. Fortunately, the head of department did not hear our conversation (hopefully) and if it is not, wish that they forgot who was talking about the devil's sharing today.
A Step to Reveal Something
Alhamdulillah, I was able to write first "note".
Everything I got, experienced, saw, listened, felt, and I concealed the whole time will be written in this journal of life. Hopefully, I will see the light from this, insha Allah.
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